PMDD and Friendships: Maintaining Social Relationships

Why PMDD can strain friendships

PMDD can have a major impact on social relationships, including friendships. During the luteal phase, symptoms such as irritability, mood swings, fatigue, and anxiety can make it difficult to maintain friendships.

Common challenges

1. Isolation and withdrawal
• Fatigue makes social activities difficult
• Anxiety about social situations increases
• Shame about symptoms leads to avoidance
• Feeling of "no one understands me"

2. Irritability and conflicts
• Getting irritated more quickly during luteal phase
• Small things become big
• Harder to resolve conflicts constructively
• Friends may feel rejected

3. Unpredictability
• Appointments need to be cancelled
• Mood can change quickly
• Friends don't know what to expect
• Relationships become unreliable

4. Lack of understanding
• Friends don't understand PMDD
• "It's just PMS" reactions
• Invisible condition is hard to explain
• Friends feel ignored or rejected

Communicating about PMDD with friends

When and how to tell

When to tell:
• In close friendships: being honest helps create understanding
• When PMDD regularly impacts your friendship
• If you notice friends feeling rejected
• When you need support

How to tell:

1. Choose the right moment
• Not during a conflict or argument
• In a calm, private setting
• During the follicular phase (when you feel better)
• Give friends time to respond

2. Use clear language
• "I have PMDD, a hormonal condition that affects my mood and energy"
• "During the luteal phase (second half of my cycle) I have intense symptoms"
• "This doesn't mean I don't care about you - it's a medical condition"

3. Explain what it means
• "Sometimes I need to cancel plans - that doesn't mean I don't want to see you"
• "I can be irritable, but that's not meant personally"
• "I sometimes need more rest than usual"

4. Provide practical information
• "You can read more on our knowledge center page"
• "If you have questions, feel free to ask"
• "It helps if you show understanding, even if you don't fully understand"

What to expect from friends

Positive reactions:
• Understanding and support
• Flexibility with plans
• Asking questions to learn
• Adjusting to your needs

Difficult reactions:
• "It's just PMS"
• "You're exaggerating"
• "Just try to think positively"
• Lack of understanding or minimizing

How to deal with difficult reactions:
• Provide educational information (link to knowledge center)
• Explain that PMDD is a recognized medical condition
• Ask for respect, even if they don't understand
• Consider whether the friendship is healthy if there's no understanding

Setting boundaries and communicating needs

Boundaries during luteal phase

Physical boundaries:
• "I need more rest this week"
• "Can we do a quieter activity?"
• "I can't go to busy events this week"

Emotional boundaries:
• "I have less energy for deep conversations now"
• "Can we continue this conversation later?"
• "I need some space right now"

Social boundaries:
• "I cancel more often during this period - that's not personal"
• "I'm less available, but I still value our friendship"
• "Can we plan more flexibly?"

Communicating without guilt

Use "I"-statements:
• "I feel..." instead of "You do..."
• "I need..." instead of "You must..."
• "For me it works..." instead of "You should..."

Examples:
• "I feel overwhelmed this week and need more rest"
• "For me it works better to keep plans flexible"
• "I appreciate your understanding when I need to cancel"

Repairing friendships after difficult periods

When friendships are damaged

Common situations:
• You reacted angrily during luteal phase
• You ignored or rejected friends
• You caused conflicts due to irritability
• Friends feel ignored or unappreciated

Steps to repair friendships

1. Acknowledge what happened
• "I realize I hurt you during my difficult period"
• "I understand my behavior had an impact on our friendship"
• "I'm sorry I wasn't available"

2. Explain (without excuse)
• "I had intense PMDD symptoms, but that doesn't make my behavior okay"
• "I'm working on better coping strategies"
• "I want to repair our friendship"

3. Ask what the friend needs
• "What do you need to repair our friendship?"
• "How can we prevent this in the future?"
• "What can I do to show you I care?"

4. Make a plan
• "Can we agree on a signal for when I'm having difficult days?"
• "Shall we plan more flexibly around my cycle?"
• "Can we regularly check in on how we're doing?"

5. Stay consistent
• Show you're trying
• Communicate proactively
• Keep appointments when possible

Dealing with isolation and loneliness

Why isolation is dangerous

Isolation can worsen PMDD symptoms:
• Loneliness intensifies depressive feelings
• Lack of social support makes coping harder
• Isolation increases risk of suicidal thoughts
• Social connection is important for mental health

Strategies to prevent isolation

1. Plan social activities in follicular phase
• Make appointments when you feel good
• Plan ahead for the luteal phase
• Keep a calendar with your cycle

2. Flexible friendships
• Friends who understand you sometimes need to cancel
• Friends who are flexible with plans
• Friends who accept you as you are

3. Online connection
• Send messages, even if you can't meet
• Video calls when in-person is too much
• Social media (with boundaries)

4. Small social moments
• Short walk with a friend
• Coffee at home instead of out
• Phone call instead of appointment

5. PMDD-specific support
• PMDD Resilience community for peer contact
• Friends who also have PMDD
• Online support groups

Finding friends who understand PMDD

Where to look

1. PMDD communities
• PMDD Resilience Program - connect with other women
• Online support groups
• Peer meetings

2. Activities that suit you
• Quiet hobbies (yoga, reading, creative activities)
• Activities that give you energy
• Groups where you can be yourself

3. Friends with chronic conditions
• They understand invisible conditions
• They know what it's like to manage energy
• They are often more flexible and understanding

What to look for in friendships

Healthy friendships with PMDD:
• Flexibility and understanding
• Acceptance of your condition
• Respect for your boundaries
• Support without judgment
• Space for both people

Red flags:
• Friends who minimize your condition
• Friends who make you feel guilty
• Friends who don't respect your boundaries
• Friends who only take, don't give
• Friends who drain your energy

Practical tips for friendships with PMDD

1. Cycle tracking and planning

Use a tracking tool to keep track of your cycle:
• PMDD Resilience App helps you track your cycle and symptoms
• Plan social activities in follicular phase
• Plan rest in luteal phase
• Share your cycle with close friends (optional)

2. Communication templates

For cancelling:
• "I unfortunately need to cancel - I need more rest this week. Can we reschedule for next week?"
• "I don't feel well enough to meet. Let's plan another time?"

For explaining:
• "I have PMDD, which means I have intense symptoms during the second half of my cycle. Sometimes this means I'm less available."

For asking for understanding:
• "I appreciate your understanding when I need to cancel or am less available. It doesn't mean I don't care about you."

3. Alternative ways of connection

When in-person meeting is too much:
• Send messages
• Phone call
• Video call
• Do something online together (watch movie, gaming)
• Short walk
• Coffee at home

4. Maintaining friendships at a distance

Strategies:
• Regular check-ins (messages)
• Share updates about your life
• Ask about their life
• Remember important moments
• Do virtual activities together

When to seek professional help?

Consider therapy or coaching if:
• Friendships are constantly damaged
• You become completely isolated
• You have trouble communicating about PMDD
• Friendships drain your energy instead of giving
• You can't maintain any friendship

Therapy can help with:
• CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) for communication skills
• DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) for interpersonal effectiveness
• Social skills training
• Self-compassion for dealing with guilt

The PMDD Resilience Program offers:
• Practical tools for maintaining relationships
• Community support with peers
• Coaching for interpersonal skills
• Strategies for communication and setting boundaries

Related articles

• Talking to your partner about PMDD - Communication in romantic relationships
• Finding social support - Building a support network
• Self-compassion for PMDD - Dealing with guilt about relationships
• Emotion regulation for PMDD - Techniques for managing intense emotions
• Stress management for PMDD - Dealing with stress in social situations

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*This article is intended for educational purposes and does not replace medical or psychological advice. If you struggle with maintaining friendships or experience social isolation, consider seeking professional help from a psychologist or therapist. The PMDD Resilience Program offers practical support for improving social relationships.*

Last updated: December 2024 Reading time: 10 minutes